Otros habitantes de Albuquerque

Photo credit: Kevin Eddy 

by Rudolfo and Samantha Anne Carrillo

¡Bienvienido!

Come, come my friends, to the beautiful banks of the Rio Grande. Most of the geese are flying north, but come to Albuquerque anyway. Bask in the deceptively shallow waters of the river; you'll get a kick out of it and maybe you will be reminded that water used to flow through some of the arroyos here, too. You know the ones we mean, right? They're mostly up in the Heights and covered in concrete. 

The Heights is where they have all the restaurants. There's so much food up there and, one time, we heard about a grocery store that went on for miles, in the shadow of the mountain where they keep all the nuclear bombs.

You might think that's odd, but, when we looked around, that's what we saw. We've also seen other things you might not like to look at it. But, if you do, then maybe that will give you the final push you need to drop everything and come on out west. 

Don't worry—like we said—there is plenty of food. Water's getting scarce, though. But, if you keep an eye on things and don't expect a green lawn ... you'll be just fine.

Here's the first of what we saw this week. From the below picture, we can already tell the future is here. 

Photo credit: Metropolitan Detention Center

According to the teevee news, the above-pictured fellow—who goes by the name Felix Romero and has called this spinning ball of dirt home for 30 years—is a local who has been on at least two high-speed chases with la jura in the past five years. Just sayin'.

While, we're at it, this is the lady that was driving Romero around right before his latest flying metal, human-endangering escapade. She is called Meagan Fitzgerald, in case you want to know. She was arrested on our lovely, tree-lined boulevards for harboring a felon and possession of a dirty brown horse.

Photo credit: Metropolitan Detention Center

Speaking of evil chemical compounds, here's a picture of someone representing something that happened with the aid of methamphetamine. That mierda may be making Heisenberg rich on teevee, but it's a ruinous substance. From meth mouth to mental incoherence and bizarre manifestations of ultra-violence; speed kills, man. Example given: Timmithy Stover, 27, of Hobbs, N.M, who allegedly committed murder-death-kill after an intimate association with the poison.

Photo credit: Metropolitan Detention Center

Those are certainly heavy iterations of reality here in Burque town, but it's not always so dark. Sometimes, it's dusk or twilight. Young Billy Espinosa faced the long arm of the law when he tried to gank gear from a local policeman's home. He never had a chance, though he initially made off with a "...duty-issued 9 millimeter gun, bullet magazines, a police baton, handcuffs and even pepper spray." 

Photo credit: Metropolitan Detention Center

Then, there's the case of Terry Anderson, a woman—described by observers as a "crazy lady"—who came into contact with the boys in blue after breaking windows in the Heights. Police say they tricked her into coming out of her house; she exited wielding a baseball bat and attempted to hit a man with it. When responding officers tried to stop her, she began to swing at them and was subdued with a stun gun. 

Photo credit: Metropolitan Detention Center

Well, that's a bit like Bleak House on the Rio Grande, but you've got to admit it's kind of a hoot. The beauty of complexity and irony and all that jazz. Maybe next week we'll do this again, but with places instead of people. Don't worry. We're not about to ask the city for an office. We prefer the dark.